As a parent, you have a big influence on your child’s anxiety (though there’s no need to worry about it)
How do parents communicate anxiety to their child via body language and words? Psychologist Cosima Nimphy studied this question for her PhD research. Experiments show that children of anxious parents are not more sensitive to their parents’ signs of anxiety.
Biking to school alone for the first time, playing with a new friend or diving underwater for the swimming diploma: new situations are good for children’s development. At the same time, the unknown can also be dangerous: not every neighbour can be trusted, and walking home at night down a dark alley on your own isn’t always a good idea.
Looking out for fear
‘We generally learn from our parents whether or not a new situation is safe. We observe how they behave or listen to their warnings. In the literature that’s known as social fear learning,’ says psychologist Cosima Nimphy, who is conducting research on the transmission of fear from parent to child. This is a very useful mechanism. If we first had to try everything out ourselves to discover whether it is safe, that would cause a lot of problems. But sometimes as a parent you can also communicate anxiety that isn’t founded, which can cause your child to avoid new situations and develop symptoms of anxiety.’ How big an impact do parents have on their child's anxiety? And what factors make some children more sensitive to their parents’ anxiety? These questions are what Nimphy studied for her PhD research. On 24 January she will defend her PhD dissertation Led by Example: Fear Transmission from Parents to Children via Social Fear Learning Pathways.
Fear of strangers?
Nimphy and her colleagues conducted an experimental study on the transmission of social fear. ‘A lot of research on social fear learning focuses on new situations or a new type of toy, for example, but very little research has been done on social situations. And that while social fear is a big problem for both parents and children, and we know that social fear is partly transmitted to a child from a parent.’ As part of the study, children of around 11 years old visited the lab with a parent. At two points in time an unknown person entered the room. Parents were instructed beforehand to say something positive about one of these people, and something negative about the other. The child was then left alone briefly first with one of the strangers, and then with the other one. The children’s physical anxiety responses, such as heart rate, were measured
No physical fear
Afterwards they themselves reported how anxious they felt. Nimphy: ‘On average, the children reported more anxiety about the person about whom the parents had made a negative comment than about the person who received a positive comment.’ Surprisingly, these fear responses were not borne out in the physical measurements. Nor did these children exhibit more anxious behaviour towards the stranger, for example avoiding them or looking away. ‘We haven’t investigated why this is, but one possible explanation is that fear only manifests itself in your body after you have been warned repeatedly,’ Nimphy explains. ‘Or that people are perceived as less physically threatening than, say, strange animals.’
Children of anxious parents are not more sensitive
In their experiment the researchers also looked at whether children of parents who themselves suffered from social anxiety were more sensitive to the transmission of that fear. Surprisingly enough, this proved not to be the case. Nor were children with more anxious and inhibited temperaments more sensitive to their parents' signals than non-anxious children. ‘This is also a reassuring result in some respects,’ says Nimphy. ‘It means that children who tend to be more fearful are not directly more strongly influenced by negative instructions from their parents. And it may be more a matter of repetition of a lot of negative instructions over a long period of time.’
Words matter
Nimphy knows for sure that the words and expressions of parents do have an impact. For her dissertation she also carried out several meta-analyses of earlier studies on the transmission of anxiety to children. From this research she drew the conclusion that the words you use as a parent do matter. Words matter at all ages: the groups examined in the studies ranged between 6 months and 18 years. ‘Negative messages from parent to child had a great effect on their child's anxiety, even after just a few times,’ she says.
Aware of your own anxiety
Reason enough, as a parent, to be aware of your body language and words in new situations, particularly if you yourself tend to be anxious and avoid unknown situations. ‘If you know you are more anxious, one tip is first to try out a new situation yourself, or with someone you trust.’ For example, take a ride yourself on the roller coaster before taking your child with you, or go and have a look in your child’s new class before the first school day. Then, when you go together you’ll most likely be more relaxed. Finally, Nimphy stresses: ‘Remember, too, that showing anxiety is by no means bad; there are plenty of situations where transmitting that fear is also helpful.’
Resilience as protection against fear
Since January 2024 Cosima Nimphy has worked as assistant professor. Following on from her PhD project, her focus now is on two main questions: as a parent, how do you raise your child to be resilient? And what protective factors prevent the development of anxiety?
Nimphy’s PhD research is part of the BAT: Breaking the Transmission of Anxiety in the Family research project headed by Evin Aktar, Bernet Elzinga and Willem van der Does, all of whom work at the Department of Clinical Psychology.